You just made me feel so damn special
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
