:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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