my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize