so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
