my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
