well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
