so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
