her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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