Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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