We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
