Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
