i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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