I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
