got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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