I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
