She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
