dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
