I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
