TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
