Me. At least after what I've been through.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
