The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
