if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
