Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
