maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
