you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
