I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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