i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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