I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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