You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
