I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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