Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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