u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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