apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
