Your face is a jimmy john
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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