LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
