So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
