Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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