Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
