so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
