I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
