that's an acceptable place to lick
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
