broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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