It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
