Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
