i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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