you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
