Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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