I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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