It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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