He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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