Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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