i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
