textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
