Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
