Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
