In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize