Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
