their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
