i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
